Parenting Do’s & Don’ts in the College Process
DO
Support your child in finding the right "fit" school for their personality. While you may want your child to go to a certain college/ university because you went there or because it fulfills a need in you, it doesn't necessarily mean it is the best choice!
Manage their expectations. Find out as much information as possible about different schools either from your child's school counselor or a college advisor. It is important to get your child excited about their second and third choice schools as well.
Once a week set a time where you discuss college and set a limit on the amount of time spent on this conversation. I suggest an hour top! This will help alleviate anxiety and provide some structure. So many students that I have worked with have shared that they are overwhelmed because college is all their parents ever talk about. When this happens, it often causes a student to shut down more or drag their feet. Your child needs to feel some peace and solitude as the fall semester of their senior year is a crazy time!
Partner with your child's school counselor. They are very important in this process and the person that can and will communicate directly with a college on behalf of your child. A private college counselor is an excellent resource as well. However, a good private counselor will try to partner with the school counselor and will help to advise you on when you may need to reach out to the school counselor.
Make a Pros and Cons list with your child that lays out what you and your child want from a college/university. Also, take notes when you visit a campus. This will help make things clearer when evaluating schools.
Make sure when you visit a campus that you sign in to the college admissions department. They track this information.
Encourage your child to advocate for themselves through this process. They are the ones that need to make the calls, send the emails and communicate directly with the college admissions rep...not you!
Remember that you have little to no control over the outcome. The college process can feel very personal but it is not. It really is a numbers game. It is very hard to predict from year to year who a school may accept and this is terrifying especially for parents. I have seen some parents spend countless hours on Naviance analyzing the statistics. They have literally monitored every time another student from their child's high school has decided to apply to a certain college/ university and how this might impact their own child's chances. It can drive someone crazy!
It is important to have a realistic list of schools for your child where there are some dream/reach schools but also some real target schools.
DON’T
Talk to your child every day about college and what they are doing or not doing.
Put your own needs and agenda before your child’s.
Make phone calls constantly to a college admissions rep or department. As stated above, your child should be the one communicating directly with the college. If you are the one to make the calls, a college may assume that your child has difficulty advocating for themselves, or that you are overly involved (you may be 😊). This can hurt their chances. Remember, colleges are evaluating thousands of applicants and don’t spend a lot of time on each family or student. They take notes. If a parent is calling every week, this can be a huge red flag and turnoff.
If you are feeling anxious, then I strongly encourage you to reach out for support. This can greatly help to alleviate some stress and anxiety. Let’s face it. It is a really stressful period in both you and your child’s life. It really helps, to have someone on your side that you can talk to, that will help to put things in perspective and that can also manage expectations. It may help you to feel more in control in a somewhat arbitrary process.